I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
