My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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