Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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