I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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