I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
