I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
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It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
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My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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