I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
