I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
