I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
