I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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