i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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