my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You're like the curious george of whores
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
