Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
