You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
