when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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