I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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