the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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