This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
