I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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