I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize