i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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