I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
