This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
