Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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