I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
