More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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