living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
