thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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