If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
