i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
