You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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