All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
