I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
