Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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