In the future we'll all be gay
I met the friendliest cop last night
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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