I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
