is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
