I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
