I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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