Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
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She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
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Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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