so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
