Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
