I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
