Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
