Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
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my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
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I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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