if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
