His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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