it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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