Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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