He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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