And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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