It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
