you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Text me some of your sweat
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
