I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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