I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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