you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
