woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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