eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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