Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The best revenge is premature balding
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Randomize
