yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
