also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
