I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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