I swear god or herbie drove my car home
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
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